Dean's Angel
by Dirreth
Summary: The story starts just after 09x13 (The Purge). Nichole and Dean have a lot of problems to deal with but they manage to go through all of them together until one obstacle gets on their way - the Mark of Cain and the First Blade - the only thing that they can't solve.
1. Chapter 1

**Note:** _English is not my native language and this is my first story I write on English. If there are any spelling and grammar mistakes, please be condescending. Thank you :)_  
_I started this as a one shot after The Purge because I felt terrible about Dean and thought he needed someone to comfort him and be there for him. But somehow I couldn't let it go and that's how other situations appeared in my mind with the same character (Nichole). So the chapters are more like fragments from here and there of what's happened after The Purge but still are connected to each other._

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Dean just watched at his brother's back as Sam was going to his room. That conversation didn't go well at all. Dean didn't expect such sharp reaction from Sammy who simply said he would've let his bigger brother die, if their places were switched. Dean closed his eyes trying to forget for the emotional pain that was bursting inside his chest. Oh, he didn't regret for his choice to save him. He would've done it again, if he had to. If only Sam could've understand. He was his little brother no matter what and he loved him so Dean would do anything to keep his life and give him the chance of a normal one.

The sound of light footsteps made him look at the door. Nichole came in and stared at him with her deep all knowing eyes. So she had overheard his quarrel with Sam. Even without her nephilim mo jo on full mode she could still do some things that were impossible for common man. He could clearly remember the first time they met. She went through so much since that day. Nichole was always there for them, always protecting Sammy and him, doing her best to keep them alive so they could save the day. When they asked her why she's doing that she just muttered that it's been about time someone to make the right decisions and take the right side in this shadow war for power and dominance over the human race. And in that war she sacrificed everything for the Winchester brothers. Dean saw her giving up on her grace, exchanging her wings for his and Sam's lives. And when Cas explained him what this does to an angel or nephilim Dean felt so guilty for destroying her chances for eternal life in heaven. But he also knew that if she had to make the same choice again she wouldn't give a second thought to do exactly the same thing as the first time. She and Cas… They were the Winchesters' guardian angels. They were friends that they could rely on. It was quite fun teaching Nicci how to hunt without her mo jo. That process had its ups and downs but in the end she knew everything that a proper hunter had to know about the monsters and the ways of killing them. It was hard for her to get used to the normal human life but she knew more about it than Cas so she was fine. And somewhere between the awkward moments of explanations and the trainings and the hunts Dean fell for her. She was so enthusiastic and so optimistic about everything that only watching her big bright smile could make your day. Nichole was the type of girl that never showed fear and was ready for adventure any time possible. She stood her ground firmly and never gave up when she wanted something. Sometimes she was stubborn like a little girl but still charming and caring. Somehow she managed to teach Sammy and him to cherish and enjoy life, to be happy for the little things. And that was powerful lesson because pain changed people and only happiness was capable of battling it. It turned out that Nichole is interested in Dean and it just happened so naturally. Dean didn't know why she would choose him or what she liked about him but the simple truth was he loved her and didn't care about that as long as she was beside him. And Nichole made him so happy for that short time. And then Dean sent her away because of Sam. Gadreel, pretending to be Ezekiel, told him that any angel or nephilim near them could draw attention and put Sam and him in danger. So, as usual, Dean chose his brother over everything else. Sam was so pissed because of that he claimed they weren't family and brothers anymore. Now with Nichole back in the bunker Dean didn't know what to expect. She was probably furious at him, just like Sam. And all he wanted was his little family back together and happy.

"You came to jaw at me?" asked Dean more sharply than he intended.

Her lips formed faint bitter smile.

"Really, Dean? Do you really think I came to preach you moral?" Nichole sighed and left the book she was holding on the table. She looked tired and exhausted. There were circles around her eyes and her skin was so pale she could be the freaking Snow White.

"So you're not mad at me?" he asked again. Nichole looked him in the eyes. He could see the storm of anger and rage inside her.

"Oh, I'm pissed. I'm so pissed that if I had my powers, I'd probably kick your ass from here to hell and back!"

"So you're mad at me…" his hope that this wouldn't end with another squabble died.

"You lied to me, Dean. I knew what I was getting into but you lied to me. And yes, for fucking good reason, but you didn't trust me and that's just…" she stared at the ceiling as if it could give her the right words "I knew that you always put Sam on first place. And I was fine with this because otherwise you won't be Dean Winchester I know. I just thought that you'd be honest with me about that".

"Gadreel said that if…" Dean tried to explain himself. Nichole laughed and her laugh was so bitter and full of accusations.

"I know why you sent Cas and me away, Dean. That however doesn't make me feel less pain. And that's the problem because I thought there's nothing that can hurt me that much anymore but apparently I was wrong!"

Dean could feel the fear in his stomach. He had lost everything and everyone. He couldn't lose Sammy, Cas or Nichole. And he didn't know what to do anymore. Everyone was turning back on him no matter how hard he was trying.

"And still" she whispered, "the reason you pushed me away is the very reason that I already forgave you". Nichole gave him a quick warm glance, came closer and put her hands around his neck. "Sam's wrong, you know?" she said not turning her gaze away from him, "He's acting like little selfish bitch but he'll come to his sense. Or I'll help him"

Dean smiled for real for first time in days. She was capable of doing it and imagining that cheered him up a bit.

"You always put everyone else on first place and you're always ready to sacrifice everything for them. I know that so well that sometimes I wish to kick your ass for that. You need to know that Sam's so angry because you never take his opinion and decisions under consideration. And still you did what you had to. You did it because he's your brother and you love him. You did it for the right reasons", she smiled, and added "I think Cas already told you that"

"Yeah, you angels got the habit of saying one and same thing with almost the same words." Her smile grew bigger and she hugged him

"Good, but I'm only half an angel with no mo jo".

Sometimes Dean thought he didn't deserve her. She really was his angel – always forgiving and understanding, giving support, hope and comfort, taking the pain away and replacing it with little grains of happiness and peace. He looked at her while she was leading their way to her room. He felt warmth and calmness that he didn't experienced for long time. Nichole was the one who never left his side, always showing consideration for Sam and him. For the first time he realized that she reckoned with his decisions no matter what and that in her life he was the one that always came first.

Already in the bed she cuddled next to him and put her head on his chest. Dean smiled and hugged her tightly, he was so lucky to have her. His fingers started playing with her hair and his thoughts went back to the mess that was outside the room's walls – angels, demons, sons of bitches and so much death. Nichole lifted her head and stared at him. She always knew when he was anxious.

"We'll kick their asses – Metatron, Abaddon, Gadreel and Crowley…"she smiled and her eyes burned with a faint show of angelic fire "We'll save the day and everything will be fine." Her cold fingers went back down his arm and stopped on Cain's mark. "We'll figure it all. I promise." Dean kissed her forcefully, trying to show her how much she meant for him.

"I know, Nicci. We'll do it." She smiled from ear to ear and kissed him back rolling over him.

"Of course we'll do it. 'Cause you're Batman".


	2. Chapter 2

Nichole left her empty glass on the table. She started wondering what would happen if she took another drink. She needed to forget that last hunt, to forget everything actually. She was a nephilim, god damn it and she couldn't save that little girl. It was so pathetic of her to have angelic blood flowing through her veins and not being able even to save one human life. She could barely take care of herself and how was she supposed to look after someone else. Right in that moment she felt herself more like a burden much less a help for anyone. And the Winchester brothers and all their relationship problems… Always watching for them and babysitting them as if they weren't all grown men. And comforting Dean and convincing Sam to forgive him and show sympathy and understanding. And the bloody Mark of Cain! Sometimes she taught she was more of a mother for them than a friend and Dean's girl. It was too much; way too much to deal with right at that moment. Nichole took the bottle and poured herself nice doze of whiskey because she needed something stronger than beer. Ten minutes later she realized her plan to drawn the pain and self pity in alcohol wasn't working. She felt so hurt and useless, the sensation of a hole inside her was growing and her heart ached. The misery and sadness she was ignoring for so long finally found their way out. Nichole felt she was suffocating. She threw her empty glass against the wall with such a fury and anger that if she had her angelic powers she would've made a hole in it. The sound of shattered glass didn't help her to get her control back.

She ran to her room before the boys could see her in that condition. She could only hope they hadn't heard the noise she made breaking that stupid glass. Nichole needed to get through her feelings on her own because they were only her burden to bear and no one else's. The boys already had enough problems to deal with. She had no right to pull neither of them into her messed up emotions. Nichole knew what would help her for sure and even though usually she was quite reluctant of doing it right in that moment she was eager to get rid of everything. And for the time being it was the only possible and efficient way. Nichole did that for the first time when she was alone and away from Sam and Dean. It was just few days after Dean kicked her out of the bunker giving her no explanation about his actions. Now she knew his reasons and accepted them completely. She locked her room's door and went to the bathroom. Nichole rolled up her sleeves and stared at the scars for a minute or two. Her skin was pale, looking a bit unhealthy so the thin dark lines of the razor were well visible. She managed to hide the marks because she knew the boys would freak out. And she didn't want to worry them. She took a deep breath and grabbed her Swiss army knife. They would've never understood her… The pain was so strong and deep. It was raging inside her like a poison, burning her from the inside like a fire started by a pyromaniac. And the worst part was that Nichole felt how it was killing her and taking away her soul part by part. She wanted to cry but there were no tears, her eyes were refusing to generate her emotions into tears. She looked in the mirror seeing a reflection of pale skinned girl with dark hair and deep brown eyes with dark circles around them. That girl looked as tired and hopeless, so sick and worn out as if she was battling a deadly disease. Nichole shook her head and sat on the floor because she knew from experience it would be impossible for her to be firm on her feet after that. The blade left delicate line on her wrist and it started bleeding. Soon new cuts appeared on her forearms and the old marks disappeared under them. While watching the blood leaving her body she felt unexplainable relief and every single emotion inside her started fading away. She felt dizzy and disorientated. Her body was tingled and her fresh wounds were sore a bit but she didn't care. Nichole heard someone calling her and trying to get in her room. Then there was pounding and banging on her door but all she could think of was she felt light as a feather and untroubled. Darkness was descending upon her and she knew that soon she would pass out. That was good because if she was unconsciousness she wouldn't have to worry about anything, she wouldn't feel a damn thing. There was a crash and worried voices – Sam and Dean obviously managed to break the door and get into the room. Nichole felt strong warm arms around her body and nervous eyes watching her but she couldn't open hers. It was Dean who was carrying her. She didn't know how but she was sure of it. She just wanted to drift off and be left alone. Then it all went black and she finally passed out.

Nichole opened her eyes and rubbed them ignoring the stinging in her bandaged arms. She was in her own bed. Then she saw Dean sleeping in an armchair near her bed. Even in his sleep he looked broken and exhausted. Nichole got up and tucked Dean up with her blanket. Then bare footed and wearing only a huge t-shirt she supposed belonged to Dean she went to the kitchen. Sam wasn't around so she could risk lighting a cigarette. The boys didn't know she was smoking and she was confident that Dean would disapprove. But she needed the calmness that the smoke was giving her, because this time she made a huge mess. Caught red handed Nichole didn't have another choice but to talk with them about her scars. She felt terrible for adding new problems to their already burdened minds. She didn't have that right, still somehow she did exactly what she was trying to avoid by cutting and damaging herself. She sighed and whiffed. At least she was feeling less broken and numb than few hours earlier which meant that the cuts and the blood did their job.

"You're smoking?" Sam's voice caught her off guard and gave her a turn "For how long?", He wasn't judging her and she loved him for that – he was just worried about her. She crooked a fade smile and lifted her shoulders. He didn't need to know that it started at the same time as the self harm issues.

"For a while" she muttered. Sam had been to the grocery so she took the bags from him and opened the fridge to put the beers and the pie there.

"Does Dean know?" Sam asked again.

"Seriously, Sam?" Nichole raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see her "Is that what you really want to ask me?". There was a second or two of insecure and heavy silence than the question came out quietly

"Why?"

She sighed. There was no reasonable explanation for her doing that to herself. Nichole scrubbed hands over her face and shook her head.

"Honestly, I don't have a proper answer to that question…"

Sam looked her with astonishment and sympathy giving her the puppy eyes look. Nichole put down her cigarette and decided to leave before this conversation turned into a lecture. Then on the doorway she stopped and looked back at Sam.

"Don't give your brother such a harsh time. He loves you, you know; you're family and can't behave like that. He's heartbroken and what he did, he did it for you."

"He chose for me", Sam raised his voice "Again!"

"Back in the church you chose life, Sam. You chose Dean, family and your own blood. How do you expect him to just let you go? He already sold his soul for you once. You really thought this time would've been different? He saved you even though he knew you'd hate him for the way he chose to do it. And still he did save you. Dean gave up on everything for you. Again. So don't you dare to claim that from his decisions he's the only one who's not paying the price; Dean is the only one who is paying for his choices. Not you, nor me. He does.", Sam was silent, his gaze fixed the floor so Nichole continued "Trying to hurt him and make him believe you don't give a damn about him is just too cruel. We both know that if your places were swopped you'd do exactly the same thing. You've saved his life too. Remember when his heart was failing? You were the one who made everything to get him back to life. And now saying you wouldn't do that is just a mere lie. Don't let him believe it. He doesn't deserve that. He's always been there for you. It's about time you start being there for him too."

Suddenly Nichole felt severe headache and she left the kitchen in a rush before the younger Winchester could say a word. When she got in her room, Dean still sleeping in the armchair, she went straight to the bathroom to wash her teeth. She couldn't find the toothpaste and started to curse under her nose while she was looking around for it.

"You're looking for something sharp?" Dean's voice was firm and full of accusation; anger, disapproval, pain and concern were all written over his face; and maybe those emotions were exalted by the Mark of Cain, she was afraid to think about it.

"Really, Dean!?", Nichole was getting angry too "Now what? You're gonna treat me like a child that can't care of itself? You're gonna misbehave me and tell me what to do? Won't let me go hunting anymore?"

"If there's something that Sam or I did wrong and you got upset because of it…"

"Stop it!" she shouted and looked at him surprised by her own reaction "It's not about you or your brother!" she rushed passed him trying to escape from that quarrel. She didn't want to argue with him. Nichole just wanted everything to end. He was so happy the last couple of days and bringing all that trouble at him almost broke her.

"Then what's that all about?" Dean insisted with anger

"It's about me!" she cried as her voice cracked "For first time it's me. I need to stop feeling because otherwise I'll go nuts! It hurts me so much I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing, Dean! It's ripping me apart and I can't handle it. I'm useless; angels are supposed to protect and help and I couldn't even save that little girl the other day. It's been quite hard for me lately. The only way to deal with everything is this" she gestured her bandaged forearms "It makes me numb for the pain and I'm ok after that; ready for the next fight"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dean spoke with his voice so gruff that made her heart ached for doing this to him; at least he didn't look angry any more, just tired and sad

"Because it's not your burden to bear" Nichole tried to blink back the tears that were so unwanted at that moment and failed

"Dammit!" Dean didn't know how to react or what to do with her crying and that made Nichole laugh but the laugh turned into a bitter snort. He looked at her with his green eyes and she felt the sadness she caused him.

"You're family, Nicci" he finally said trying to keep his voice quite and calm "You should've told me, if you feel that way, you know." He closed the distance between both of them and hugged her. Nichole couldn't help herself and continued sobbing in his arms. Dean cradled her head against his shoulder and started smoothing her hair down with his hand. All of a sudden he slid his arms under her back and knees to carry her and got her in the bed. He sat next to her and Nichole cuddled in him, hiding her face in Dean's chest.

"I'm supposed to help you and Sam, not give you reasons to worry about" she finally said, "You both have enough troubles without me causing more"

"You're not trouble, Nicci" Dean said and put a gentle kiss on her forehead. "You're one of us and you're not a burden. We would have never made it that far without you. You've got a problem - we got a problem, all right? We'll sort it out; just like you helped me the other day. I care about you and won't let anything happen to you" He rubbed her back with care and love and Nichole nodded "Just promise me not doing anything stupid anymore. Talk to me or Sam, just don't' do it anymore. We'll do our best. Okay?" he sounded so desperate and concerned about her

Nichole lifted her head and gave him a straight honest eye to an eye look. She couldn't lie to him.

"I can try. But I can't promise you anything", and she meant it. She was going to give the best of her to be there for the boys and in the same time taking care of herself without involving any blades and sharp objects. She saw the relief in his eyes. He believed her and his trust for her wasn't ruined. She felt better knowing that. Really better, almost happy. He was her man, her whole world.

"Well, that's a start" he smirked and kissed her lips with tender."That's my girl"

Nichole chuckled. He never before claimed her as his. She loved that man. She couldn't imagine her life without him in it. Nichole knew him so well. Everyone else would see the tough kickass hunter who was killing monsters and looking after his brother. She saw the man beneath; the man with the carrying heart and burdened mind. The one so good and selfless that she couldn't help but thought about the fact he was so much more than he was giving himself credit for. Nichole hugged him tightly and put her head back on his chest. They lay like that for a long time giving each other comfort and joy ignoring all of the problems they had, showing how much they cared about each other.

"You're wrong, you know" Dean spoke "You're great hunter and that says a lot."

"Is that a compliment, Winchester?" Nichole asked trying to hide her smile and kissed him; she felt sleepy and tired

"Damn right it's a compliment" Dean smiled back

"Good!" she rolled over him. She needed to tell him even though he wasn't ready to be completely honest with her about his feelings. Nichole looked him in the eye and said quietly "I love you, Dean Winchester and that's never gonna change. I'll never give up on you". That took him by surprise and she saw the astonishment written on his face. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly. Then before Dean could say a word she huddled herself up next to him placing her head back on his chest so she could listen to the beat of his heart and with a huge happy smile she drifted off.


	3. Chapter 3

**Note:** _This one happenes to be really long. I tried to make it into two parts but I think it's better to put it as one whole chapter_

**Warning: **_mentioned sexual assault and developed PTSD (or at least I hope I managed to describe such a reaction)_

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Dean rushed down the hospital corridors blowing over nurses and doctors. He was so worried he couldn't think straight. He could feel the adrenalin and fear racing through his veins. They told him he could go to her but he was warned she hadn't said a word since the very moment she was awake. He knew she'd talk to him. Dean burst into the room to see her empty eyes staring at him.

"Nicci?" he stood at the door not sure what to do. Dean wanted to go and kiss her and hug her and make sure she was all right. But her emotionless face made him so confused. And she was definitely not all right. As far as he could see Nichole's whole body was covered with bruises. Her lips were split, she had a black eye and there were awful dark marks around her wrists, probably left by rope or someone's hands. Dean felt his heart was aching. He needed to know she was going to be okay. Dean got closer to the bed and looked at her trying to figure her out.

"Nicci? What happened?" he called her again hoping to get her attention.

She looked at him and Dean felt how something inside him died. Her eyes were so cold and still full of pain. Nichole turned her head away hiding her face in the pillow.

"C'mon, talk to me" Dean continued insisting on her to answer.

She didn't. She just curled up, hugging the pillow and turning her back at him. He sighed trying to ignore the pain inside his chest that was on its way to destroy his calm behavior. Dean pulled the chair near the bed and sat in it. He was so confident that she' d tell him where she'd been the last couple of weeks and explain what had happened to her, who did that to her; who had beaten her up so he could go and kill the son of a bitch. He was going to be patient; she probably just needed to get some rest. And still he was eager to know where she was. After Kevin and Mrs. Tran left the bunker Nichole grabbed her stuff and left in hurry saying a friend of hers called asking for help. She was pissed; Dean could say that, because of him and Sammy not following Kevin's advice. And at the same time she looked upset so he decided not to ask questions. Before he kicked her out because of the Gadreel situation he could swore she didn't have friends. But while she'd been away from him she probably managed to find friends; after all she was gorgeous and everyone liked her. The real question here was what happened to that friend that needed help and how because of him Nichole ended in a hospital.

Soon Sam came in the room on tiptoes thinking she was asleep. Dean had left him on the reception to ask some question being an "FBI agent". Sam looked at Nichole's tensed body and whispered "She was left at the hospital's emergency hallway. I checked the cameras" his mouth became a thin line "Guess what – Crowley left her there"

"Crowley?!" Dean was shocked "What the hell was she doing with him? He did this to her?"

"No" Nichole said quietly turning her face to them with a painful grin "He helped me, Dean" she kept her voice down and talked like she had a frog in her throat.

"He helped?" Dean went to her bed watching her with his green worried eyes

"What were you doing with him anyway?" asked Sam

Nichole just said quietly "He was helping on a case but I really don't wanna talk about it".

Dean and Sam swapped worried glances but took it quite. She needed rest so they left her to get a good sleep. Dean casted an eye to his little brother wanting to talk with him but Sammy was already in the elevator leaving Dean alone. The older Winchester took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands trying to ignore every single emotion that was fighting for his attention. Sam was still angry with him refusing to act as they were brothers which was causing him huge amount of pain. He was on the edge because of Nichole. She wasn't well. Whatever happened to her it broke her down. The sweet smiled girl was gone and he was terrified that she would never smile again. He had never seen her like that. Even when she lost her grace she wasn't so broken and wrecked. Lying on the white sheets she looked so pale and sick. Her eyes were tired and Dean could swear she looked lost with no reason and desire to live. That was not his Nichole and his heart ached watching her like that. He could only hope that soon she'd be okay.

Two weeks later Dean was making breakfast when Nichole entered the kitchen.

"Hey" he said smiling at her and offering her a plate with a sandwich on it.

"I'm not hungry" Nichole opened the fridge and took a bottle of cold water

"You need to eat" Dean insisted

"I said I'm not hungry, Dean. I'm going to train" Nichole left the room in a rush as if she was afraid of him.

Dean put the plate on the table battling his desire to throw it at the wall. He was losing hope. Nichole wasn't okay at all. She was refusing to eat and she became so skinny she could easily be mistaken for a fucking skeleton. She was spending every second of her free time training. She transformed one of the bunker's rooms into her very own gym. She bought a punching bag and all she was doing lately was sitting there hitting the damn thing until complete exhaustion took her down. Nichole wasn't smiling anymore and if she did it was more a grin than a real smile. She constantly looked tired and avoided talking to anyone unless it was really necessary. She was also avoiding him; she was sleeping alone in her own bed, no kisses, no nothing... She once went on a hunt with them but she looked so apathetic for her own safety that Dean and Sam decided not to take her with them for the time being. Dean was trying to be patient but he was losing it. Sam tried to talk with her, so did Cas but she refused to give any explanation; she just burst out of the room with quite anger that made her look even more broken and hurt. Dean even caught her smoking – he didn't blame or judge her; if that was helping her to get together, he didn't mind it even though he taught it was a disgusting habit; he just wanted the old Nichole back. Dean was so tired trying to fix his relationships with everyone. He wasn't sure for how long he'd be able to stay strong and pretend he didn't care about that problem.

He ate his sandwich and went to check on Nichole. He was worried she could turn back to self harming. She was still in the gym; Dean could hear the sound of her fists hitting with anger the punching bag. He stopped on the door and leaned on the wall watching her. Nichole was furious, full of anger and the poor punching bag was really badly beaten taking blows and kicks. She wore black tank top and she looked so hot in it. He wanted so much to go there and kiss her. But he didn't; he knew that wasn't a good move for the moment.

"What did the poor thing do to you?" Dean asked trying to make her smile

"It's a fucking punching bag." she said with some amount of sassiness "It's supposed to take hits so it'll survive"

"Nice to see you've got your sarcasm back" Dean smirked "Wanna train with me?"

"Yeah, right…" she gave the punching back such a strong kick that it got off the hook and fell on the floor

"Now you don't have a choice" said Dean and rolled up his sleeves.

With a loud cry full of rage she attacked him. Dean realized that she needed that fight the same way she needed air to breathe. She was swift and confident while Dean was trying not to hurt her even dough Nichole had no pity on him. Damn, that girl! He got a few nice punches before realizing that her fury made her blind for the outer world and if they went on like that, one of them could've end badly injured. He already got his lips split. She was like a mad savage.

"Nichole!" he shouted at her avoiding her fist "Stop it!"

She didn't hear him. Dean yelled again but she was completely deaf and blind of rage. He pushed her back leaving a distance of few steps between them. She was ready to attack him again.

"Nicci! Stop!"

That time she did stop. Her eyes widened when she realized what she was about to do and what she'd done. Nichole froze in shock for a second or two and then ran out of the room. Dean looked after her; he was breathing heavily. He was so worried about her right at that moment. At that condition of insecurity she was capable of anything. Dean walked slowly to her room. The door was ajar. Dean stepped quietly in. Nichole was standing in the middle of the room holding her favorite Swiss army knife. She was watching her forearms; her old scars were almost gone. Dean could swear she was thinking of making new ones.

"Nichole" Dean's voice was tensed "Put that knife down"

She raised her head and their eyes locked. Dean could see the fight in hers; her own emotions were battling for control and dominance over her mind and Nicci was terrified of what might happen if she loses control. She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them they were focused and concentrated. Dean exhaled with relief. He was anxious and wasn't sure how to act with her anymore. Nichole tossed the knife; it flew inches from Dean's head and hit the center of the target hanging on the wall. She tried to bypass Dean and leave the room but he stood in front of her leaving no place for her to go around.

"Talk to me, Nicci" Dean said gently, hoping she wouldn't push him away

She didn't look him nor she said a thing; she just tried to get pass him. He didn't let her. Dean had it enough; this time she was going to open herself or God help them all. He stood on the doorway in a manner that no matter how hard she tried there wasn't any possible way to go through him.

"Fuck off!" Nichole finally hissed "Let me go!"

He didn't answer her, just folded his arms and waited for her to look at him. Nichole tried to push him off of her way.

"Let me go!" she tried to punch him but he caught her hand; her voice cracked "Let me go!" Nichole was already screaming in some kind of panic attack, hitting his chest with her fists, tears going down her cheeks and repeating "Let me go".

Dean managed to pull her into a firm hug. She tried to struggle but soon enough she just hugged him back hiding her face in his chest and sobbing silently. Nichole's knees went weak and Dean lowered them both down, sitting on the floor on the doorway to her room.

Just within seconds Sam showed up holding a gun in his hand and almost running down the hallway. He probably had heard Nichole screaming and reacted by heart coming to help her.

"What the…" he finally caught the whole picture and glanced to his bigger brother with a silent question.

Dean nodded telling him he got that one. Sam disappeared in silence leaving Dean and Nichole alone. She was crying her heart out, Dean was sure of it. He started rocking her gently while his lips were putting delicate kisses on her forehead. He didn't say a word; he knew that there wasn't a thing he could say to make her feel better. But he could offer her support and comfort; he could try to take her pain away – he needed to show her he was there for her the very same way she had always been there for him; he felt the urge to show her what she really meant for him, to show her his love for her. And that was the only way he knew. Dean couldn't lose her. He lost enough in this life and for sure wasn't ready to give up on her. He was ready to do whatever it takes to help her go through whatever she was going through. Dean just wanted to see her big bright smile full of sunshine and happiness again. She was his girl and he loved her no matter what but he needed to know she was okay. And right at that moment she was not. He was scared that the pain would change her because she looked so fragile and hurt.

Soon Nichole managed to get together. She looked Dean with regret in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry" she mumbled as she was wiping her tears "I was quite a bitch lately. I was so angry and blind of my own problems that I forgot I'm not the only one with issues around here. I'm really sorry"

Dean felt a deep relief inside his chest. Now she looked much more like the nephilim kickass girl he knew. She was worrying about him and Sam, putting them first, and ignoring her own problems. She still looked sad and hurt but it was her again.

"Well, you're a girl" he smirked "It'd be funny if you weren't acting like a bitch from time to time"

She laughed and punched him lightly in the shoulder. A real laugh, one that Dean missed so much lately. Nichole's eyes were still red from crying but he could tell she was definitely feeling better. The tears had washed away her previous anger and Dean hoped that they had taken her pain away too.

"C'mon" he said and helped her get on her feet "Let's go grab a beer" Dean looked at her with a bit of concern not sure how she'd react "And we could talk, if you want"

Nichole bit her lips but nodded and followed him to the kitchen and then to the library where Sam was on his laptop doing another research.

"Oh, God, I need a smoke" Nichole mumbled and ran out of the room

Dean shook his head and sat on the table next to Sam who didn't pay much attention to any of them until Nichole came back with a smoking cigarette.

"Why are you poisoning yourself?" Sam asked drawing his eyes away from the screen

Nichole sat across the table and looked him firmly.

"Because it calms me down. And because right now I need to find strength and tell you why you found me in the hospital"

"Oh." Sam put his laptop away giving her all of his attention. Dean smiled at her trying to give her courage.

Nichole took the beer he had brought for her but her hand was shaking so she put it quickly back on the table.

"You don't have to tell us, if you don't want" Dean said softly, realizing how much that bothered her. She looked a bit ashamed. If she wasn't ready for it, he wasn't going to push her.

She shook fiercefully her head.

"No. I have to tell you." Nichole sighed quietly

"When I was away the first time" she started and Dean closed eyes with pain aware of the fact she was talking about the time he kicked her out of the bunker "I lived with two other girls – Monic and Elena. They were nice so we became sort of friends. I found myself a job but still I was going for a hunt once in a while, if I was sure I can manage it on my own. They started asking questions for my absences and devil traps and guns so I told them a thing or two. They didn't believe me until one night at the bar a guy tried to steal Monic's purse and I sort of kicked his ass for it"

"What exactly did you broke?" Dean smirked and Sam gave him a glance of disapproval

"They had to call an ambulance" Nichole admitted and Dean burst into laughter; she ignored him and continued "So after that they left me alone, not asking questions. Then I came back to you guys and everything was fine until Elena called and told me that Monic's dead. She went to the woods jogging and was killed by a wild animal" Nichole made a grin "Ah, the best part was that it happened during full moon cycle so I packed my things and went to hunt down the fucking werewolf."

"You went hunting a werewolf on your own!" Dean was shocked and worried and angry all at the same time

"Yes, Dean" Nichole said softly "I didn't want you two guys go there…"

"You needed a break from both of us" Sam corrected her.

"No!" Nichole denied angrily "It was a part of my life I had to end on my own, Sam, and I think you know very well what I mean." She took a sip of her beer and continued her story "So on my ride to Elena Crowley showed up in my car. I was so close to a car crash because of him. Whatever… So, he offered me a deal…"

"A deal!?" Dean was so pissed

"Calm down, Winchester" she said with a voice full of hidden threat; Dean couldn't help himself but smile – that was his girl. "Not the demon kind of deal. He wanted more information on the pack and offered me to work together so I agreed. I didn't care why as long as he was holding on his word to help me find Monic's killer. So we managed to find them. One of their own betrayed them. Or at least we thought so…" Nichole stopped and looked down to her hands holding the green beer bottle. She looked so insecure that Dean's heart ached. He and Sam swapped concerned glances.

"So?..." Dean decided to ask "What happened then?"

She bit her lower lip but finally decided to speak

"It was a trap." Nichole made a fade smile full of sarcasm "Imagine my surprise when I saw Elena, leading the pack. I don't know how I've missed it. Crowley was Devil trapped and Elena had me drugged." Nichole suddenly stood up and started pacing nervously.

Sam looked as astonished as his big brother felt. Dean also stood up and tried to approach her hopping she wouldn't get panic attack or something. Nichole raised her hand to stop him and turned her back to both of them. Dean saw her crossing her arms watching the empty space before her. When she spoke her voice was monotone and empty. She was hiding herself again, Dean realized.

"Well, Elena has always been bit bitchy so somehow I wasn't surprised she let her men have some fun..."

"Have fun?" Sam echoed her words with unintelligible face; Dean was watching her with sorrow not sure how to interpret what she said.

"I wasn't in my best form thanks to whatever she gave me so I wasn't fit for a fight. Crowley couldn't help. I was on my own and I didn't manage to protect myself and stop them from…" Nichole suddenly shut up and sighed "Let's just say it wasn't my best day."

"Stopped them from doing what?" Dean insisted even though he was scared from her possible answer; he felt his chest heavy and full of pain and compassion for her

"They didn't just beat the crap out of you, did they?" Sam asked with concern, his eyes full of deep regret

"No, they didn't" Nichole turned and faced them both with a firm look "They raped me"

That was exactly what Dean feared, huge amount of pain burst in his chest. In the next moment he could feel his own anger going to unbelievable heights. Sam gasped with astonishment and his features made the hurt puppy-eyes look. His gaze stopped first on his bigger brother, than on the nephilim girl. He mumbled tiny and unsure "I'm so sorry" but was interrupted by his bigger brother

"What?!" Dean's voice was low, full of pain and rage

"Dean" Nichole's voice cracked and her eyes filled up with tears ready to roll down her cheeks.

Dean closed the distance between them and took her in his arms – he couldn't watch her torturing herself trying to explain what happened to her. She hid her face in his chest; she always did it. Dean felt his anger fading away while his concern about the woman in his tight hug was increasing. Sam stood up and approached them, asking quietly

"Why didn't you tell us? We wouldn't be giving you such a hard time…"

Nichole looked at him and Dean was sure her eyebrows were arched.

"Hard time, huh? You didn't give me hard time at all, Sam. I can't stop wondering how the hell you put up with my awful behavior." She looked back at Dean and half-smiled, then her eyes went back on Sam "Plus, what was I supposed to say? Like I could've just smiled and said "Hey, guys, I worked with Crowley on finding the killer of my best friend. It turned out I had lived with a werewolf for a while and she double-crossed me so I got raped by her pack. But, hey, don't worry 'cause I'm not pregnant so everything's cool""

The shocked look on Sam's face almost made Dean laugh. He gripped her tighter, not wanting to let her ever go. She was his girl and he was supposed to take care for her. Now she was hurt because he hadn't been there for her. The sexual assault was explaining her behavior lately, her rage and vulnerability, why she was avoiding him and was refusing to hug or kiss him or even talk to him. He kissed gently her forehead.

"What happened to Elena and the pack?" Sam asked and Dean gave him "leave-us-alone-go-find-yourself-something-else-to-do" look

"Oh" Nichole sighed and tried to move away from Dean but he didn't let her go so she half-smiled and put her head on his shoulder while talking "Somehow the Devil trap got destroyed and Crowley used his mojo. I managed to kill few werewolves but I was too dizzy to be sure what exactly was going on. Meanwhile I got few really nice punches, broken arm and for sure few cracked ribs. Elena managed to escape. Crowley patched me up with his mojo, or at least the most serious injuries and I told him to get me to the motel. Then all of a sudden all went back and the next thing I remembered was waking up in the hospital. I suppose he told the personal to contact you two, because I had no ID with me."

"So, Elena?" Dean finally dared to ask

"That bitch is as good as dead" Nichole hissed with rage "She got herself dead sentence the moment she betrayed me. Next time we meet, I'm gonna stab her in her pretty little face and make sure she'll go straight to Purgatory."

"But why she had to kill Monic?" Sam asked

"Because Monic found out she was werewolf and Elena freaked out she'd tell me and I'd go after her" Nichole explained "Elena knew from our previous conversations I had lived with guys called Winchester. She was afraid more hunters would go after her and the pack. On the other hand, I think Crowley didn't find out whatever he was looking for. And I believe it was connected to the Blade."

"It doesn't matter, Nicci" Dean said "Sooner or later everything's gonna come back to its place."

"Hm, really?" Nichole lifted her head and looked him with her deep eyes and bit playfully her lower lip; all of a sudden she kissed him deepening the kiss, Dean could feel her tiny body pressed against his

Sam coughed trying to get their attention. He shook his head with a smile and headed to the door.

"That's sweet, Sam, but completely unnecessary." Nichole stopped him and taking Dean's hand passed Sam with huge all-knowing smile "We need not just privacy but solid bed too"

Dean choked while Sam laughed loudly. Nichole smirked and took him to her room. Dean really wanted her but he had his back thoughts. She was avoiding every single physical contact for a good reason and he didn't want to push her too far. She already achieved so much for that day and he didn't want to ruin it. She felt his reluctance and asked with raised eyebrows

"What?"

"You sure?"

"Damn sure" and she smirked so naughty that it sent chills down his spine "I need you to remind me exactly how good this can be."

Nichole wrapped her arms around his neck and Dean kissed her, his tongue in her mouth. Nichole put her legs around his waist and he smirked while his hands went down her ass. Dean tried to get to the bed and lay her down but tripped over something and they both fell on the spring mattress. She laughed and that made him smile. That was his girl – the bright smile and her laughter full of sunshine. He could see her optimism coming back and taking away her wrath. Nichole's eyes were shinning with fade angelic fire which meant one thing – she was happy. And that was good enough for him to be happy too. She was his joy and comfort, she was the one who was giving him strength to keep going, she was his courage when he doubted himself, she was his protector when he needed help, she was his guardian angel who was always there for him and was watching over Sammy for him. He couldn't imagine his life without her in it. He loved her.

"You know what?" Dean smirked and kissed her lips

"What?" she asked playfully with burning eyes

"You were right about the bed. We need a solid one!"

She laughed again and rolled over him, unbuttoning his shirt.

"Of course I'm right, Winchester" and she leaned forward for a kiss, making him forget about everything else except her gentle touch.


	4. Chapter 4

Nichole knew the moment she saw Dean's face when he first touched that bloody damned Blade that this was not going to end well. She knew it with her heart. Because the man she loved more than life itself was changing right in front of her eyes. He was slowly becoming someone else, something else... Apart from breaking her heart, that terrified her.

Killing Abaddon was not enough for him. He developed such a bloodlust sometimes she was scared of him. She couldn't recognize him. Dean she loved was somewhere there, he still kissed her with the same passion, he still cared about her and his brother. But in the same time it wasn't him. He was dark, shutting everything and everyone out. And he was spending more and more time with a glass full with booze. After every supernatural problem they managed to deal with, her self-harm issues and the "werewolf" incident with that bitch Elena slowly everything got back to normal. Even Sam was behaving quite nicely lately which was giving her hope he forgave Dean. Everything was perfect until the Blade…

Nichole vividly remembered the day he ganked the queen of Hell. Sam and she got there too late, missing all the party. But it was shocking what they found – Dean covered in blood, hovering over Abaddon's dead body and still stabbing her with the Blade. It took him awhile to hear Sam was calling him, gently persuading him to stop. Nichole took him to the bathroom and started cleaning his face. After couple of minutes she noticed he was coming back to himself – his features softened, his stern look disappeared and his green eyes were staring at her with adoration. She hugged him, trying to hold back her tears.

"How could you?" she asked choking back a sob and hiding her face in his chest, ignoring the blood stains on his shirt

"What?"

"How could you send us on a wildgoose chase while you were risking everything on killing that bitch?" she asked again, anger and disappointment in her voice "You could've got yourself killed! Is that what you want? Me and Sam finding your dead body? Giving you a hunter's burial!?" Nichole hit his chest with her fists "I can't lose you, you dumbass! So don't you dare ever again doing something like that!"

He didn't answer her. And that was a shock – Dean Winchester keeping it quite with no witty response. And when he pulled Sam the "we are not a team, this is a dictatorship" speech Nichole finally decided to make a move. This was going to end bad and she had to stop it. She just had to. No matter what.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked when he caught her sneaking out of the bunker

Nichole stopped and looked at him doing her best not to cry.

"We need help, Sam" she quietly said "I'm worried sick and so are you…"

Sam looked wrecked and exhausted, the worry taking its cost on him too. He cared about his big brother more than he was willing to admit. But that was enough for Nichole – she knew Sam would do anything for Dean. She came closer to him and hugged him for goodbye.

"We have to help him" she whispered "He needs us"

"I know" Sam simply replied

"Good" she nodded and took a step back "'Cause I need you to watch over him while I'm gone"

"What? Where are you…"

"I've got a plan. But I need time. I can't be on two places at the same time, Sam. I need to know he'll be okay while I'm away."

"Of course, he will be. I promise." Sam nodded

"Thank you" she sadly smiled "But you need to take care of yourself, too."

Nichole rushed up the stairs, afraid she'd get too emotional if she stayed longer.

"Wait!" Sam called so she stopped and turned to him "Where are you going?"

"To find Cain."


	5. Chapter 5

Nichole took a huge sip of her drink and sighed putting the empty glass on her night stand. She felt dizzy and weak, her hands were shaking and her legs refused listening to her. So she was just sitting quietly in her bed, waiting for the inevitable. Everything that had happened the last couple of days went through her mind like a film. She had great relationship with Dean. They went together through so much… but apparently the only obstacle they couldn't overcome was the Mark of Cain.

Cursed be Crowley for involving Dean into this mad plan! Every single time Dean touched the Blade, it turned him into something that… she shook her head. It was bad and it was becoming worse with every use of the Blade. Dean was changing. It wasn't him anymore – he was angrier, more erratic… Both, Sam and Nichole, were worried about the effect the Blade had on Dean. And it was going to become only worse… She knew it.

So Nichole made a decision. In order to fulfill her plan she summoned one of the two who could say what the hell was going on with Dean. She still vividly remembered Crowley's voice "Why call for me, love?". He was the one who got Dean into this mess and he was the only one who could get him out. She forced the demon, who was still on human blood and a bit feely and sensitive, to locate Cain. When Nichole stood in front of the First Knight of Hell she felt cold shiver going down her spine. His ice blue eyes pierced her straight through her soul and heart. As if she was an open book for him. It was quite unpleasant experience but she got the information she needed. And she had a plan – a stupid and really bad plan but a plan that was going to safe Dean. That was good enough for her. And Nichole was ready on anything, really anything to save the man she loved.

"You really are ready to do this for him, don't you?" Crowley asked back then

"I'd die for him."

"Let's not go that far"

"What?" Nichole was surprised at his statement

"Feelings!" Crowley spat in anger and tried to disappear but she had him Devil trapped to be sure he wouldn't ruin her plan.

Nichole stared at the photo in her hands – one of the few she and Dean had. All of the room was covered in memories of the time she had spent with him – old T-shirts from hunts she just couldn't throw away, guns and knives, the books she loved to read sitting in his lap, the perfume she bought him for his birthday, the tickets to the only movie they went to – it was because of a case but it still counted… She sighed. God, she loved him so much. She felt tears filing her eyes and did her best not to cry. She had to be strong. For him. She was going to miss him. Small whimper escaped her lips. She had to follow the plan. Her eyes fell on the mark on her arm – the very same that used to be on Dean's arm and Cain's before that. Nichole managed imperceptibly to trick Dean just half an hour ago and now she was the owner of the Mark of Cain. It was matter of minutes before the boys notice that. Nichole also made sure the Blade was well hidden. She felt the urge to keep it, to use it but she did her best to ignore that deadly impulse and hid it on a place no one would ever find it. She was surprised how strong effect it had on her even with her angel part. It was… She shook her head again, trying to push those thoughts away.

She wiped away a single tear that was streaming down her cheek. She was scared. She didn't want to die. She didn't want everything to end like this. She wanted a long happy life with Dean, full of joy and…. But that was something she was never going to have. Never.

The door was opened with a loud bang when the boys flew in the room. They looked panicked and scared for her. It was so sweet of them, always trying to save the day. But this day they weren't going to save no one. She saved them. She saved him.

"Nicci?" Dean's voice was so worried

She smiled at him and reached for him but was too weak to move.

"No" he cried "What have you done?!" he rushed to her and took her in his arms

"It's okay, Dean" she quietly said, tears filling her eyes "It's okay"

"Dean…" Sam showed his brother the mark on her hand

"No!" Dean's voice cracked in pain and confusion while looking at his own arm trying to find the mark there

"It's gonna be over soon" Nichole whispered trying to comfort them both

"What? No, don't you say that…" Dean cupped her face, hugging her tighter

"I can already feel it… It's working…"

And then they saw her empty glass. The poison was doing its job. It was slowly killing her. Sam was the first to realize what she did. His features changed into hurt puppy face.

"Why?" he simply asked

"It was the only way" Nichole answered, breathing heavily; her eyes were closing

"The only way for what?" Dean shook her; his eyes full of tears, his voice weak and hoarse

"To save you from the Mark, of course" she weakly said

"But why should you…" he didn't manage to finish the sentence

"Because I don't wanna become one of the monsters we hunt"

"We'll fix you" Dean cried "We'll find some mojo or…" but they all knew it was too late for that

"No" she calmly said "Sam?" she reached for his hand "Just…"

Nichole smiled. She felt peace. The darkness was bringing relaxing warmth with itself. It was nice and she was ready to let herself be drifted away… But there was one more last thing she had to do. She forced herself to open her eyes. It was so pleasant to be in Dean's arm even it was for her last time. She felt Sam's hand grabbing hers.

"Just promise me you'll take care of each other. Please, stop arguing. For me." she made her best to keep the dark away just for a few more seconds; she focused her eyes on Dean's perfect emerald green eyes "I love you, Dean Winchester." she felt how he inhaled sharply and one perfect tear streamed down his face; she smiled at him for last time trying to remember every feature of his wonderful face "Don't worry, I'll be waiting for you. I'll be watching over you"

She closed her eyes and heard a quite whimper. And then there was nothing else but darkness.


End file.
